Like so many women out there, I am a wife, mom, and do-it-all handyman, err- woman. I wanted to create a blog that can help us as women get back to what's really important. It's time to get priorities straight and make life better for ourselves and our families in these troubling times. I plan on having multiple pages to touch on each aspect of our lives- including what others expect of us, as well as the pressure we put on ourselves. I hope my posts will touch someone out there and help her days be sweeter!

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Blast From the Past

I hope everyone had a happy and safe 4th of July weekend. My weekend was very full of family events and spending time with dear friends. My happiness has even spilled into today, Tuesday, because a very dear old friend whom I had been diligently searching for, for 14 years, called me tonight. We had a wonderful conversation and got up to date on current events in each others lives. I now have 2 friends in my life that time does not touch our bonds.

I hope she doesn't mind me telling a little of her story, and I won't give her name because it doesn't change anything. She told me she is still freshly out of (just over 1 year) an abusive, domestic violence ridden relationship and home. I honor her courage to protect herself and her children. She has also spoken at conventions and seminars about how to get out of and overcome these circumstances. She is strong and filling her cup, too- along with helping other women fill theirs. She has taken control of her life in the things she can, and is getting back to church so the Lord can do His part for her as well. It filled my heart so much tonight hearing from her and the things she has done. You go girl!

Tonight's topic is from her (thanks). Women (and some men) who are in abusive relationships often do not want to acknowledge what is really happening to them and/or their children. It is scary and many times dangerous and life threatening to do anything about it. But something MUST be done!

My friend is not the only person I know who has had to suffer through this. All the signs are the same. All the excuses are the same. The cycle is the same. You are most likely secluded from your friends and family because of your partner. People who were in your life previous to the relationship are "not a good influence on you," or "I know what's best for you." You may even have been threatened with physical harm if you try to contact anyone. Your partner keeps vigilant tabs on you, maybe even calling obsessively to see where you are and what you are doing/who you are talking to. There is no freedom unless they grant it to you.

The relationship flows in a predictable circle. You have the "honeymoon" stage where your partner promises to be good and things will change, often with a promise from you that you will stay and do your part to make them happy. This fizzles fairly quickly into the "abusive" stage, whether verbal or physical. You are blamed for their unhappiness. You are blamed for things being the way they are. You are the one who has to get it straight for things to be better. You think to yourself, "If only I had... been a better wife," or "been more attentive," or " not gotten in the way".... These are all classic signs from the victim that there is trouble at home. When these escalate to the point that police are called (once or multiple times) or family/friends are raising a fuss about you (many times pleading for you to call the police), the offender starts to be apologetic, and begs but mainly guilt trips the victim into staying and the cycle starts all over again. If any of this sounds familiar and is currently going on in your life, I plead with you to please seek help. Pray to the Lord for the strength to do what needs to be done. There is help out there specifically for this purpose.

There are lots of excuses for not leaving. At one point, I was on the child's side of the situation of my mother needing to leave my father. I was scared of what was going to happen. I was really scared. I thought maybe if we did nothing, things would be OK at some point and we could all move on. But what I wanted was contradictory. Things couldn't get better and we couldn't move on if we stayed in that situation. There had to be action. It took my mom years of prayer for strength before she finally got us out of the abuse, but she did it even though it was hard and scary. She was now a single mom with 6 kids, the youngest with autism. No job, no support. She had been a homemaker for 17 years. We worked as a family and made it through with a lot of help from the Lord. He made it possible.

No matter what your excuse may be, and I'm not trying to be insensitive or not understanding, but there is a way. I promise. Change is hard. Work is hard. But you are worth being saved and loved for who you are WITHOUT ANY STRINGS ATTACHED! Remember who you are. Know who you are. Be confident. Be strong. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your kids. As moms, we all know how we feel when it comes to our children. You do what it takes. So do it. Make that call to the shelter. They can put you in touch with resources and get you out. Don't let it keep beating you down. FILL YOUR CUP!


  1. Yes Bridgette, it was hard. I also remember how scared you were. You asked me "Who is going to take care of us now?" My answer, "Who has been taking care of us up to this point?".

    The unknown is still a scary thing to me, still causes anxiety. I am learning (in small steps) to be okay with the unknown. Priesthood blessings help. Just because I can't see it doesn't mean it's bad. God can see it and I really only have to keep my focus on Him. The world would have us focus on our control (which is deceiving), but if we put our focus on God's control, He won't drop us. ~Mom~

  2. I have always been thankful to not have been in any kind of situation like this. I'm thankful everyday for a kind husband, because I don't know if I could handle otherwise. Your stories, and strength amaze me. Maybe someday I will share my struggles on my blog, but haven't been able to bring myself to do that yet. Thanks for sharing all you do Bridgette, it really strengthens me!